2023 Bingo Card
Let's do some 2023 predictions!
This is my first Newsletter of 2023. The tone-setter of the year, if you will.
In case you don’t know, I am quite skilled in the art of psychicisms. I can see the future (stream Tinashe) in a sense. I know things only Our Gods and Beyoncé should know. I keep it to myself often, you know… the powers you possess aren’t always meant to be shared with the world. However, I am making an exception for the start of the New Year. I am going to share my predictions for 2023, in the process creating a prophecy that shall live on. Accept it, it’s fate.
While drafting this, it sort of became the timeline’s trend to give 2023 predictions… It’s a trend every year, but it started so early this time, I really had to dodge predictions left and right in effort to keep this as non-influenced by others as possible. As such, if I copied any of your predictions… I didn’t see that shit. Moving on!
Also, I will only be predicting fun! pop culture events. All positive. No death predictions or anything insidious like that. Why would I want to manifest negative energy, knowing it will be spoken into reality? I use my powers for good, not evil.
I went for exactly 25 predictions, as that is how many boxes are on a Bingo Card. You know, so when something crazy happens I can say, “oh, that sure wasn’t on my 2023 Bingo Card!” and it will be very serious.
1. TAYLOR SWIFT MARRIAGE (or engagement) REVEAL.
I know this is a cheap one. There have been whispers for ages. Come Eras Tour, I truly believe we’re going to get a marriage hard-launch. Though I truly believe it’ll be straight to a marriage announcement, this space doubles as an engagement announcement just to cover my bases. You know, take the wins wherever they may come. Good for Taylor and Joe!
2. ARIANA GRANDE PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENT.
This is another one I know people have been predicting, since the Positions era, really. Though, I consider this to be a risky one, too. As much as I truly believe this will happen, I don’t actually know if I think this will happen in 2023. If it does, I am thinking very late in 2023. I am unsure of where Wicked is in its production, but I know Part 1 is slated for release in December of 2024. I think she’ll either be pregnant or a mother by its premiere.
3. TOMDAYA ENGAGEMENT / ROYAL WEDDING.
Some are saying they are getting married soon, others are saying they are breaking up soon. As established, I am choosing positivity on this day. Partly because, as I’ve said, I am choosing peace with these predictions, but also… long time #notj*ssers should know, I am a day one Tomdaya (Tom Holland and Zendaya) truther. I would love for an engagement to come from them soon. I want to officiate the wedding.
4. MEGAN THEE STALLION WINS.
You may be asking, “What does she win?” I don’t know. But one thing about our universe and timeline? She will always come out on top. Safe bet.
5. JENNA ORTEGA PUBLIC RELATIONSHIP ERA.
As much as I am a fan of hers, I don’t actually know much about Jenna Ortega’s personal life. If that’s a choice, good for her. That’s her right. I think she’ll be the talk of the timeline due to a very public relationship or rumors of one starting. I’m keeping this purposely vague both to avoid discourse… and so that I get points regardless. I’m going to be keeping track of this at the end of the year and I really want Bingo!
6. KATHERINE LANGFORD CASTING ANNOUNCEMENT.
I would just like to see this. Even just a comeback Netflix series. You see my vision, I’m sure.
7a. OLIVIA WILDE NEW PARTNER REVEAL.
No one specifically. There’s a lot of narratives going around about her being this regretful lonely woman who fumbled her Jason Sudeikis bag for a fling, and I just find that so corny. I pray she’ll prove to be very happy and, in fact, not desperately pining over Jason Sudeikis. I don’t mean that to say I have interest in either party, I don’t have great love for anybody involved. I just want you all to heal, it got so tired so quickly. I also don’t think she needs a new relationship to prove anything. She’s already a (mostly) successful director and actress, but still… I see her publicly “moving on” from everything. Good for her!
7b. TED LASSO FANS ARE MAD SHE ISN’T MISERABLE.
Get a job!
8. PETE DAVIDSON & JENNIFER ANISTON.
This sounds like quite a bold prediction, but I think you should think about it for a second! Isn’t it a logical progression in both of their celebrity arcs? Pete Davison is like jury duty for East Coast Singles, Jennifer Aniston is infamously single (good for her!) I do believe Jennifer Aniston is located in Los Angeles, but Pete Davidson isn’t on SNL anymore, he can do some light traveling! Jennifer Aniston was on Friends, I’m sure she’s no stranger to New York! Which is why I think it’ll last, too. Obviously not lasting until marriage, but I think it’ll last into 2024.
9. LADY GAGA CONFIRMS SHE IS DIRECTING A FILM.
Predicting this will seem as though I’m band-wagoning off of Taylor’s recent directing announcement, but trust it’s been something on my mind for years. Would this not be a natural step for Lady Gaga? She’s clearly succeeding in the film industry as is, it’s not a far stretch to venture into other areas of the craft. She’s directed Music Videos before, but not in a while. I’d like to see her artistic vision in full force.
10. RENAISSANCE VISUALS.
God, I hope. Oh, how I pray. Ideally, this will be confirmed by the end of January. New year, new era, new visuals, new tour. I beg of Beyoncé.
11. SNL DRAMA EXPOSED.
This is where I do actually get a little nasty and conspiracy-brained. Watch any Weekend Update from this season and tell me Michael Che and Colin Jost like each other.
You can’t. Because they don’t. Do you not sense the vibe? They deliver these jokes as if they are being held at gunpoint behind the camera. I’ve watched this season nearly every single week, every time Weekend Update starts I immediately brace myself for what is sure to be a future season of Ryan Murphy’s Feud. I think 2023 is the year we get the confirmation.
12. ELIZABETH OLSEN, THE WHITE LOTUS season 3.
/video/1
This is both a very safe prediction and one that could be debunked at any given moment. I just think this would just be such a safe bet for her to get an Emmy. I know she has that true crime limited series coming out, which is an HBO (Max) production as well, so it’s not as though this is a far leap regardless. She fits the vibe, she can act (stream Sorry For Your Loss), it seems to always be set at a nice place. I want this for her. This is just one I saw in a vision. I discussed it on Circles a while back.
FREE SPACE : ~20 SLAP JOKES OR REFERENCES AT THE OSCARS.
I lied, these won’t all be positive. Only because I needed one thing I could use as a Free Space on my Bingo Board, and we all know what it had to be. A commercial break won’t go by where we don’t hear about that stupid fucking slap. I’m already so exhausted. This is shaping up to be the worst Oscars in years in terms of “humor” or “commentary” and that’s a bar I never wanted to be surpassed.
14. MEGAN FOX ESCAPES.
If you know you know. Thoughts and prayers.
15. GLEEboot.
And furthermore, I think Lea Michele will have some involvement in it to capitalize on the Funny Girl success redemption tour. Of course I’m opposed to this and Lea Michele’s terrorism, and I fear I’m accidentally manifesting something right now… but alas this is a prediction, not a want. I have said I want a Glee reboot in the past, but following a completely different cast with no returning leads. Like a reboot in the vein of Degrassi, but maybe not because I have not watched Degrassi.
16. Fifth Harmony reunion.
Whether it be a collaboration between two of the girls, whether it be a group photo, whether it be a full revival, I have no specific label on it. I think there will be a Fifth Harmony reunion to some capacity in 2023. Watch out for that!
17. Julia Fox directorial debut.
I keep up with Julia Fox enough to see the signs in the air. I think we’ll get a confirmed Julia Fox Feature Film in the works by the end of 2023.
18. A Jonas Brother can’t read-esque conspiracy theory drops.
Self-explanatory. Maybe all 3 and the other one.
19. Margot Robbie redownloads Instagram in time for Barbie.
I just really want to have hope in humanity again. Instagram has not been the same.
20. Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron reunion… something more?!
Call me messy, but I think it’s Vanessa Hudgens’ time for a second chance romance. It could be Austin Butler, but I want to think outside the immediate box. They didn’t date, but perhaps even Josh Hutcherson! But I’m sticking with my initial guns. I think Vanessa and Zac will have their moment. This could really just be a reunion for a new Netflix movie, since they both do Netflix projects relatively often. But, I hope for a cute press tour, at least.
21. Among Us renaissance.
Doesn’t it just take you back to a simpler time? I think it takes us all back to a simpler time. Where we were happier. I think there’ll be an update of sorts, or just a new game that fills the void Among Us has left in all of us. Glass Onion was a hit that featured Among Us, so I think we’re already getting somewhere.
22. Leonardo DiCaprio / Emrata rumors fly.
This is almost low hanging fruit. Emily is famously single and over 30, Leo has to break his cradle robbing reputation. I doubt I’m the first person to suggest this, but I might as well join the gossip.
23. Chrissy Teigen bird app.
I wanted to keep these captions concise, as if to fit into a Bingo box. So let me elaborate. Chrissy Teigen either takes control of Twitter or attempts to create a social media app to rival Twitter. I could’ve just said Chrissy Teigen takes ownership of an app, but I want to take big swings. I also don’t think this will be like The Swift Life. I think she’s going for a full social media to rival Twitter, Instagram, TikTok.
24. Olivia Rodrigo acting project, unrelated to HSMTMTS.
I had several Olivia Rodrigo related theories. I think OR2 will be confirmed, teased, or just happen this year but I felt as though that was too easy. I think she’ll do some cool collaborations, Avril Lavigne comes to mind. But, I think she’ll do another acting project this year alongside all of that. Unaffiliated with Disney. Longtime readers of my Twitter account know I want this terribly, preferably a coming-of-age project. Do I think Olivia Rodrigo wants to act? Perhaps not, but ooooooooh you may saaaaay I’m a dreamuhhhhhhhh. I’m hoping.
And, to end on a high… I thought long and hard about a closing prediction… a swing. Something that ends this issue on a high. Thought provoking content, that will really make you think.
25. Brad Pitt FLOP ERA.
I think it will be a bad year for Brad Pitt. Not life trajectory shifting, but God has a plan. I can sense a 4/10 year in the works, specifically. Unfortunate enough, not traumatic. Karma is Angelina’s boyfriend, you know how it goes.
We have hit 25. I think 2023 will be a good year. A better year than 2020, 2021, and 2022. Call it wishful thinking. Women have been down by 100, so hopefully we, as a society, can claw back out of the trenches and get a few wins in. Let’s go into 2023 manifesting something good. I beg!
Thank you for your time.
the way the least realistic thing here are the beyoncé visuals dropped 😭
Praying for #25