Entering My Second Act

(I turned 25)

The first three months of 2025 have brought on radically different eras of my life.

As soon as 2025 started, I was determined to change my perspective on life. On January 1st, I put great effort in reconnecting with people I had fallen out with over the years. I became hyper-aware of the digital age I’m living in; how easy it is to just reach out and say something as simple as hello. The concept of connection was something I was deeply invested in, and I did try my hardest… but very early on, the universe had other plans.

I was shaken by a death in my family. I had to exist in my own thoughts as I processed the complicated relationship I had with this person. There were no easy answers. He had been in the process of deteriorating in health, mental and physical, for most of the time I have been alive. It wasn’t a positive or negative relationship, it just was. In the wake of this, I fell out of touch with many I had previously tried reconnecting with. I work full time while also being a student full time, being in the process of grief became all-consuming. It just became harder to focus on one thing or the other. I got overwhelmed to the degree I started severely struggling with my anxiety — stream Doechii — again. However, in finding closure, I’ve formed relationships with extended family I hadn’t connected with in years. Those who had similarly complicated dynamics with this particular grief. I started January trying to connect with certain people but ended January opening myself up to community from the people I least expected it from.

I entered February in a mental state where I still hadn’t had a chance to breathe, but things were calming down. I had a chance to go on a vacation — thank GOD. If January was about searching for community, February was a reminder to go easy on myself. You only get one life; you might as well give yourself grace in the process.

March is coming to an end right now. My birth month. I am writing this as a freshly turned 25-year-old. If I’m being transparent, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in this past year. Some detrimental to myself, some impacting others. A lot of people credit 25 as the turning point in their lives. Shit gets real serious. Frontal lobes get real developed. God knows I need that. Maybe I’m done making mistakes! I’m joking. I just hope I will grow into dealing with the aftermath better. As I just said, holding space for grace within myself. Not everybody will forgive you for your mistakes, and that is valid for them as we all have different journeys, but you don’t have to hold guilt within yourself as long as you hold yourself accountable and do your best to amend your errors. Self-growth isn’t for anybody else besides yourself, after all.

I launched the not j*ss newsletter on March 29th, 2022. I meant to have posted this issue on March 29th, 2025, but admittedly…. life got in my way, yet again. Isn’t that always the case? You make so many plans, and very rarely do they come to fruition exactly as they were planned in your head. This is a very minor example of that, admittedly. I couldn’t upload yesterday because it was my 25th birthday. A bitch was 3 margaritas down at a Steak House! I can’t edit in that condition. But you understand my point. The thesis of 2025 so far has been that nothing goes 100% right. And maybe that’s okay. A shift in my brain has occurred in the past 24 hours. My first day of 25 just feels different than I’ve felt in my early 20s. A calm, in a sense. I woke up this morning so much lighter, spiritually. Admittedly, many things tried my patience today… but I hope to be grown enough to know when a situation isn’t the right one for me now. I hope I’m dealing with my cards well. Time will tell.

While I step forward, now 25, unsure of what my future holds. In just 3 months, I see how this year has already taken me every which way — by powers far beyond my control. I have no idea what could be next, and I’m taking comfort in that uncertainty. I will move through this year as my most true and authentic self. They always say once you hit the middle-aged era of your life, you care much less about how others perceive you. You just have to live with yourself. That’s where I’m at now.