Goodbye 2024

We survived... kinda.

Goodbye 2024. Will I miss you? Can’t say that I will.

Ever since I was a child, long before I even had a newsletter to muse on, I would journal a New Year’s retrospective on what I had experienced, and more importantly what I had learned, in the past 365 days. I was in, like, Kindergarten doing this, so it certainly didn’t come with the most profound of insights, but… it became part of my being. New Year’s has always been my favorite holiday (a fact that confuses many people despite it making perfect sense to me!) and that’s been my one constant tradition for it. It’s so very fitting that I’ve taken that and incorporated it into my brand here as well.

For the record, I never actually owned a journal until this year. Before this year I’d just take a piece of loose-leaf paper and start writing - which means, every prior New Year journal entry has been lost to time now. Or else I would have shared a sample with you lot right now, naturally. Thing is, I would very rarely ever look back on what I had written in past years. I loved writing reflectively but absolutely hated reflecting on my past reflections. I put a ceiling on how much I dwell on the past, to keep myself from genuinely losing my mind.

As I’ve gotten… slightly older (still very youthful, let’s be clear) I’ve learned something. You don’t always learn the lessons that you’re supposed to learn within the moment that something happens to you. That reads a little strangely, doesn’t it? What you may have done wrong, or moments where you actually didn’t do anything wrong, but you were put in the most unfortunate possible situations. You can learn from reflection, if you are prepared to confront what needs to be learned. Sometimes you can have the best of intentions, but that might not always translate to other people. And that’s okay. What can you gain from that, though? It all starts by looking inward. Could you have done something differently, and can you hold space for that if you’re ever in a similar situation in the future? There are times in life that require looking backwards to move forward.

I like to think I’m in the midst of a constant evolution. In a sense, aren’t we all? However, I’ve been attempting to really steer my path this year. I don’t see myself as the same person I was in January. I don’t see myself as the same person as I was in August, for that matter. I’ve put myself in so many… situations. With people who perhaps I shouldn’t have ever engaged with to begin with. I did things I wouldn’t have done in years before. I own some of the mistakes in the process. Did I learn lessons? Probably not, but I don’t regret the ride these points in my life took me on, either. Whenever people would say some rhetoric along the lines of: “regret is a wasted emotion,” I thought that was a shallow viewpoint to avoid holding themselves accountable, but I have embodied that thesis more in the past year. You can own and acknowledge your mistakes, but dwelling in regret is not the answer. You already lived that moment. You can’t take it back now. And regret certainly won’t make right for the people you have wronged in the process. Regret and accountability are two very different concepts. Accountability is the proactive evolution of regret. Taking steps to make right, rather than just sitting down and feeling bad about yourself. And, by the way, there’s no shame in feeling bad about yourself, either. Trust, I’ve had the lowest of lows in the past 365 days. The entire first 6 months, really. But I got back up from them and… tried to make a difference for myself in the process.

I think I’ve referenced Deeper Well on this newsletter a few times before, so you won’t be surprised that I’m about to quote it to you right now.

“There's two kinds of people, one is a giver

And one's always tryin' to take

All they can take

So I'm sayin' goodbye to the people that I feel

Are real good at wastin' my time

No regrets, baby, I just think that maybe

You go your way and I'll go mine

It's been a real good time

But you got dark energy, somethin' I can't unsee

And I've got to take care of myself”

This song came out in the February of 2024, fittingly. At the time, I immediately resonated with the concept and the lyrics, but I thought that era of my life had passed me… foolishly. I don’t know why I find myself so unique. Everybody had a reawakening throughout their 20s, but I thought I had learned everything I had needed to learn years ago. That’s the main character syndrome, I guess, I thought I was just sooo evolved. People took advantage of my kindness so many times this year and simultaneously slandered my name to others. I naively trusted the people with knives pointed at my back. If this were 2019, I’d probably take that and shut myself down and never trust people again, but Kacey Musgraves taught me one thing… it doesn’t make you a bad person to just get rid of the people who wasted your empathy and keep the ones who are good for you. When people show you who you are, believe them. Don’t let a few bad people dim your light…. Don’t give them that power.

Happy New Year to all. I hope you all hold space for your evolution in 2025.