SCREAM!
We discuss the famously iconic modern slasher franchise.
Well.
I had my second issue of February 2023 entirely typed out. I spent an entire week of my life writing, typing, editing. I actually finished editing on February 27th and it was ready to be sent out and read by a thousand readers… but I just hated how it came out. Still, I’m quite determined to meet my two issues per month goal of 2023, and I’m not letting myself fall behind in the second month. As such, allow for a very… fun! Issue for this end of February issue. I had to act quick!
Scream 6 is rapidly approaching, coming out on March 10th, and a very known fact about me is that I love the Scream cinematic universe. The Ghostface Cinematic Universe… the GFCU… I’ve seen each movie at least twice, and most of the seasons of the television series. It’s probably the one property I could write an entire issue on without much second thought… a.k.a the perfect topic for today!
I’ll do a run-down of my personal film ranking, which I’m sure people will react completely normally about, Twitter is famously very normal about different opinions. I’ll give some light predictions about Scream 6, what I want, what I don’t want, who I think will live, who I think will die. You see, my original thought was I could do an entire issue dedicated to my predictions………… but allegedly, a lot of plot details have been leaked? I don’t know, I have avoided all of that like a plague, but alas… a prediction issue is already a dated concept, so instead… an all encompassing issue will suffice.
RANKING.
Before we begin, let me re-state : this is a very low energy, high fun issue for me. Don’t take anything I’m about to say too seriously. I didn’t even rewatch a single film before opening this document page. I’m not here to say what’s The Best, I’m here to declare favoritism with mild reasonings as to why.
6. Scream : The TV Series.
I was conflicted on whether or not to count this. It’s not a film or really connected to the canon in any substantial way. Ultimately, I have watched all of season 1, enough of season 2, and Scream : Resurrection, so…. I’m counting it! It is of note that this is the only property I have never revisited, perhaps ranking it last is unfair... However, it’s last by a large margin. There was such potential in the Scream brand moving to television, it just never quite translated. It lost so much of the self aware tone, and the first season felt more reminiscent of Freeform-The CW teen drama murder mystery brand of television than a Scream slasher property. Don’t get me wrong, I love Pretty Little Liars, but it just isn’t… the same vacuum of media. If I were to judge it in the vacuum of teen dramas, perhaps I’d like it more, but as someone who tuned in on the virtue of it being a Scream TV series… I can’t pretend I think it holds up. Resurrections felt the most reminiscent of the property, and it gets bonus points for featuring final girl Keke Palmer, but I don’t think they ever quite got a foot-hold on making Scream work in a TV format. Like, at all. I’d like to see another attempt eventually, considering I think Pretty Little Liars : Original Sin got closer in making a teen drama slasher work. The appeal is never lost on me.
5. Scream 3
I think the Scream sequels were at constant war with balancing tones between horror and self-aware comedy… I think this one struggled especially with being hit-or-miss in execution all over. But let it be known, when it hit… it hit hard. Parker Posey is a genius and worked wonders with Courteney Cox and her bangs. I love the movie set setting, though not fully utilized as much as I would’ve hoped, and I think it concludes…. In the most satisfying place. This was basically the last note in the franchise for over a decade, and it closed the trilogy perfectly well. None of the future movies are as… tied together with a through-line as the first three, everything after serves as more of a reboot than anything, so I do see the good in Scr3am. Unfortunately, the kills are the weakest in the franchise, the killer is so whatever, and the characters outside of Parker Posey are a little wasted in potential considering I think them being actors is such a fun choice.
4. Scream 2
I know people who would’ve listed 2 and 3 as their favorite sequels, and I just want to say… I hear you, I see you, I understand you… but I just can’t subscribe to your beliefs. I think this one put the most effort put into… keeping the tone consistent, but I don’t appreciate most of the meta self-aware dialogue in this one, it feels very… Siri. Any time someone criticizes single lines of dialogue from any Scream movie, it is met with a defense of being “intentional” and/or “the point”, and trust I know that! I don’t think the writing is bad! I actually think Timothy Olyphant’s character was written with being insufferable in mind. It works for “the point”, but greatly works against my enjoyment. Allegedly this one had to go through massive rewrites after original scripts leaked, keep in mind it still came out within two years of the original, so I do think that hurts it a bit… especially considering I really don’t care for the killer reveal in this at all. Much love to Laurie Metcalf, though! To end on a positive note, I think the horror aspects of this one are the strongest of the sequels. Great chase scenes, great suspense building.
3. Scream!2022
This has been quite a polarizing one, which I have consistently leaned on the side of liking. It’s not perfect, and neither are… any of the sequels. The script has its weak spots, it lacked in chase scenes, with some questionable acting moments to top it all off… I can see why some aren’t as into it! But when I tell you I had a blast watching this. One of the best theater going experiences in my entire life, and I mean that. The way it pays homage while also directly subverting the scenes from the original. One of the best opening scenes that makes great use of modern technology and quickly established scream queen Jenna Ortega. The third act did the Don’t Worry Darling thing better!
2. Scream 4
A classic is a classic. This being the Scream movie I have the most nostalgia towards made no difference, I swear! In actuality, weird filter aside, I do believe this has such strong qualities to it. Great horror sequences (Alison Brie’s parking garage scene, that Olivia scene… my god), an iconic killer reveal that made commentary on internet culture that was a bit ahead of its time? And arguably the best new cast additions of the entire series, major shoutout to Hayden Panettiere. It’s a bit of a mess, indeed, but it’s my mess. I revel in its chaos.
Scream
I can understand having a bias towards one of the sequels, but I can’t imagine having much disagreement to the claim that this is the best of the series. It does everything so right. The writing, the dialogue, it uses self awareness to its advantage and subversion in a way that the sequels either over-do or struggle to do as effectively as it was done here. This created a modern horror formula that has yet to be satisfyingly replicated. The suspense built from the first scene alone. It’s so iconic now I believe people forget just how… insane of a move it was to do that with the A-lister on the cast. But, this never lost the momentum after the opening scene. This changed the game for the slasher genre, and it’s a classic for a reason. It’s the smartest of the series, too, with it’s dialogue and tone. It’s on the nose but in the most purposeful way, subverting and also following just as many of the tropes the characters are self aware about. If I wanted to go deeper into it, I’d have to make an entirely well-researched separate issue and that’s… not the conversation we’re meant to be having today.
PREDICTIONS FOR SCREAVI.
I fear for Gale. I do. Dewey in Scream!2022 proved that nothing is off limits, the trailers look bad for her, rumor has it she wrote another book… the line might be ending for Gale. I hope to God she proves me wrong, I believe in her! But the trailers are really soft launching her death era….
Ghostface better know not cross Kirby. I know there were rumors saying Kirby might be a Ghostface herself… you know what, women’s stories matter… but I don’t think I’d appreciate that. They already made her a cop, though, so I guess it can’t get worse than that. Still, I’d like to see Kirby have her OFFICIAL final girl moment.
I don’t think there’s a universe where all of Sam, Tara, Chad and Mindy survive. I think two of them will live. The hypothetical safest bet would be Sam and Tara surviving, but I actually believe it will be one of Sam/Tara and one of Chad/Mindy. My ideal survivor duo would be Tara and Mindy, but I think Sam and Mindy is more likely. I know saying Mindy over Chad is a risky bet, because the trailers have Mindy getting poked and prodded on like a pin cushion, but I think she might be our Tara of Scream 6. Down to her girlfriend being the killer!
Speaking of, I don’t want to give an official killer prediction, because… there have allegedly been spoilers spreading across Twitter so if I name anyone you’ll laugh at me for being so wrong… instead I’ll say, I just don’t think it should be Sam or Kirby. I see more of a vision for it being Tara than I do see it being Sam, though that wouldn’t be ideal either. Perhaps Samara Weaving could be the killer! That would mean she’s in it for more than just the opening kill, God Bless.
To end on a prediction, let me predict…. I will like it! I’m more inclined to like a Scream sequel, even if this were to be its weakest entry yet. I think the city setting is just…. a brilliant new approach to the franchise. Add in a Hayden Panettiere comeback and the fact I love Jenna Ortega as a new co-lead… there’s just so much going for it right now. I will like this one, I fully believe it! They can’t possibly mess this up for me, I am so certain.
we have the exact same ranking of the movies! This was a really good issue, it might be one of my favorites!
Nice list! Im now rooting for these movies to do the one slasher thing they keep skipping and start retconning deaths. Like imagine if Parker Posey showed up in this new one and was just like “yeah the stab wasn’t fatal”. But anyway, I can respect this ranking a lot