The Lessons I Learned in February

My Eat Pray Love era.

So…. January tried to kill me. I wrote about it, so you don’t have to ask questions. It’s all right there!

What January was for personal struggling, February was for self-processing. It didn’t get easier over-night, but my newfound mindset about searching for lessons in the dark really became a mantra for me. Any experience can be spiritually fulfilling if you are open to learning about yourself and those around you.

Toni Morrison once said, “sometimes you don’t survive whole, you just survive in part. But the grandeur of life is that attempt.” Her entire quote is stunning, I think about it often. I’ll link it below:

I bring this up because… I want to! I also feel as though it rings to a universal truth that I’ve been grappling with. There is only one life, and it lasts an indefinite amount of time. It won’t always be easy, and it sure hasn’t been in recent months, but it is about doing Good in that time, or maybe even just doing Your Best, that makes the journey worth living. Everybody’s journey is different, and everybody can take a different lesson from the words said by Toni Morrison - which is something that makes her an incredible speaker and wordsmith.

Speaking of everybody’s journey being different… when I get really depressed, I start aggressively comparing myself to everyone else around me. Especially those who are doing Very Well. Even if they aren’t in the same field as me. I will start comparing myself to someone I went to school with 10 years ago who is now becoming a surgeon, as if that makes any sense. I never - not once, never a day in my life - wanted to be a fucking surgeon! But still, I will see someone who was once a peer doing such amazing things, and even though they don’t have anything I want… it still will intimidate me for some reason. Why isn’t that me??? The answer is… I am not that person. That isn’t me.

Last year, I re-enrolled into college, got my associate’s degree, and have now transferred schools. Yes, I am pushing 25 years old, but I am in the process of forging my own path. I’ve seen a lot of people who I graduated High School with graduate college in the past year or two, and you know… that really did make me feel self-conscious for a while, but… my path is different, because it is My Path. The path I am meant to be on.

Part of my depression this year was sparked by a death in my family. No, I wasn’t particularly close to this person, for much of my life he was struggling with dementia and various mental illness. Even in those moments we did connect, our relationship wasn’t always positive… the lack of closure threw me through a loop. However, in the process of going to the funeral, getting to reconnect with people who I hadn’t seen in years, some who had similarly complicated feelings about this entire situation… it allowed me to close this chapter of my life more completely. I can reflect now with less regret by allowing myself to be more open.

I consider this an endorsement to just… connect more, as well. If there is someone who you haven’t spoken to in years that you have had on your mind… just text or call them. I’ve been doing that a lot more recently. Even if they don’t want to hear from you, they can just ignore you, but at least you’ll know. I don’t want 2025 to be a year of doors left open.

Listen to your spirit, it will guide you. If you trust yourself, you can walk in your true path. I truly believe when you sit in silence, only hearing yourself, you can find the answers that are necessary. Don’t listen to the noise of those around you. You can definitely get advice from others, but ultimately the only person who knows what’s best for you is yourself, as long as you are being spiritually honest.

Perhaps, for now, this is what I’m leaving you with. A shorter issue, but to be fair, February is the shortest month. Many lessons come from the most difficult times, so I suppose I should hope to not learn anything more in March… That’s my birth month. Let me have a break!

Love and light.